Well, this is my story.

It's something I'm no longer ashamed to admit. Some might say I should be ashamed of it. Though it was disgusting and it was disgraceful, I am not ashamed to admit it because God has cured me of it. As disgusting as it is, so is my future infinitely beautiful, thanks be to God. I was scared to admit it to anyone in fear of what they would think. No more am I afraid of it because I now fear God not man. And it is my duty and it is because of my love for my Dad, Christ Jesus, God, His Holy Spirit, that I admit my past to you all now.

I came from a family in which love between father and son or between brothers was considered to be something perverted and dirty, gay. I did not know what it was to love properly for a long time. I used to hero worship people at school, people whom I thought might be good enough for my dad to love. Feelings would arise in me for those people I worshipped, perhaps it was something I wished to feel for my dad, but I couldn't, so I felt it for them instead. I didn't understand it and the only reason I knew for love was sex. So here I say it today, I was gay. I was gay.

I prayed day after day about it, for years, I prayed about it. I had quiet times when I thought it had gone, and I praised God for it, but I never really closed the door on it. It kept creeping back. It was with me until the 25th of June 2000, when, at a friend's house I went under the water. I was baptised. From that day on, I have been a changed man. Filled with love, I am now, I love all my brothers in Christ. I rejoice and I admit it now to you, my past, I am no longer ashamed of being Nicholas Paul. I was trapped in the cell of my sin and I couldn't get out, I'd been in there my entire life and I knew nothing else, He opened the door for me and set me free. I can hardly believe how free I am now, I can scarce take it in. God is the most beautiful thing that's happened to me in my life so far, I know he is the most beautiful thing that will ever happen to me. I want to say thanks to Him and I owe Him my life, it is the least I can do. It is also all I can give, and so I give it to Him. He gave me life into this world and He gave me life and freedom into His Kingdom and I love Him so much for it.

Thank You God.
Your loving servant, always,
Nicky Paul.

I will always be your Nicky, Victorious over death because of you. Thank You Lord Jesus Christ. Amen.
I no longer hate my dad like I used to, I'm no longer angry with him, I love him, something which would not have been possible without Christ.