Information and Advice for Christian Teenagers

CHAPTER 2

SAFE SEX

Dealing with sex is one of the hardest parts of growing up. Things get even worse if you try to stick to the biblical view on sex. You'll feel left out in the cold.

You are led to believe that having sex is now a normal part of growing up. It's almost impossible to avoid sexual pressure at some stage during your teenage years. You just can't get away from the modern view of sex. Sex, you are told, is fun. Having sex is normal - it's a natural thing for young people to do. Sex before marriage is OK. We are told that teenagers should be properly educated so that they can have a safe and healthy sex life. But who teaches you, and what do your teachers believe? Are they right?

A significant number of television programmes and movies, including some PG films, contain nudity and sex scenes. Those that don't will probably suggest that sex has taken place. Nearly everyone who has a romantic' relationship is sooner or later seen in bed (or anywhere) having screen sex without consequences. But is this the real world? Films are made to entertain and make money, so we hear very little about disease, contraception, hygiene, pregnancy, abortion and emotional problems associated with throw away relationships and casual sex.

Are you being misled and misinformed by an irresponsible attitude to sex? Is having sex really as straightforward as it seems? Are there serious risks? Is the Christian view of sex embarrassingly old-fashioned and out of touch? Should you be afraid of sex? What should the confused Christian teenager do? What does God expect of you?

This chapter will help you discover the truth about sex. It is intended for Christian teenagers 14 and over who have already received basic sex education. It is not in any way intended to be a substitute for a proper sex education.

GIVE YOUR PARENTS SOME SPACE

Teenagers often complain about their parents, and some of their grievances are worth listening to. But Christian parents, like everyone else, struggle with the varied demands of life and don't always get it right. It's quite true - it seems as if they should! After all, they have lived longer, learned more and have had plenty of time to work it all out. But it's just not that simple. Some of today's disgruntled teenagers may find out in later years that they are unable to live up to their children's expectations.

Parents are mothers and fathers, husbands and wives who have to wrestle with the hassles of life - things like bills, sick children, mortgages, illnesses, car maintenance (assuming they an afford one), shopping, working all day (or trying to find work), neighbourliness, marriage stability, general Christian responsibility, visiting and supporting elderly relatives, coping with the never-ending demands of housework and instructing their children in the ways of good Christian conduct. It's tough!

Teaching about sex is tough too. It's hard to know what to do and say. Parents are only too aware that their young teenagers would "Just die!" if sex was even mentioned, and if parents are honest they will admit that they can feel as awkward as their embarrassed kids. Unfortunately some parents are just too shy to talk about sex while others don't seem to care in the least.

There could be reasons for some parents' reluctance to talk about sex. It's possible that they had bad sexual experiences during their teenage years. They may believe that it's best to leave sex education to properly qualified individuals. So they hope their children will learn about it in biology or science. But these subjects explain how sex works, without commenting on human morality, relationships and responsibility. Basic knowledge taught in a classroom will not help you to be sexually secure and responsible. Besides, no one is better qualified than parents to teach their kids about sex.

It could be a teenager's mum got pregnant before marriage. She might believe that it would be hypocritical to talk about a responsible approach to sex.

Generally speaking, it would seem that there are too many parents trying to control their children with orders and laws alone. To make matters worse, overly protective and nosey behaviour repeatedly exasperates teenagers (Ephesians 6:4; Colossians 3:20). Maybe you know all about it! Some parents are undoubtedly to blame when their teenage kids switch off during every essential lecture and the occasional unexpected attempts at sex education.

Teenagers can be manipulated and used by unreasonable, insecure adults who pig-headedly tie them tightly to parental apron strings and selfishly drag them around just for company. And you're nobody's fool when you're sent on an errand by a lazy parent!

Parents who merely bark out orders without adding good, clear reasons for them are in danger of turning their children into rebels. For example, "You can't wear that - it's not decent" reflects a good moral attitude, but on its own it is an abrupt and insensitive order that may appear too old-fashioned and rigid. Parents must make rules, but rules without sensitive and caring explanations will likely cause friction and resentment. Don't always assume your parents are wrong because they won't take time to explain their attitudes and rules.

Some parents are oblivious to the sexual pressure that affects their teenage children. They really haven't given any thought to the serious consequences of sexual irresponsibility among teenagers today. They have never taken the time to read sound Christian books on sex. They have too soon forgotten the filthy, crude talk and behaviour they were exposed to at school. They are not aware of the explosion in sexually related material in teen mags, sensual chart music videos and on TV and the Net.

Some adults are victims of stuffy religion. They just can't relate to their sixteen-year-old who is supposed to be a Christian. "You just don't talk about that sort of thing. Here's a good book my mother gave me [published in 1953]. It will help you understand these personal matters. When you are married it will be all right."

The teenager who has just had a loud and lyrically sound Christian band "chewing on his ear" may not be too impressed by "Dignified Intimacy in Holy Matrimony" by Dr. Archibald Hetherington. He may get the impression that the Church is saying sex is hush-hush - something strictly for procreation (for having babies) and so secretive you shouldn't even mention it until you're 18! But by then it may be too late. Picking up the pieces isn't nice.

Other parents have never had much interest in sex. It can happen! It may be as exciting to them as vacuuming the stairs. They may file it' away into the back of their minds and give little or no attention to your sexual development. As a result you find yourself seeking advice from people your own age who certainly lack wisdom, common sense and maturity. Youthful experience is an unreliable guide.

It's possible your mum and dad need your help to break the ice with this sex thing. You could open a door for them by frankly telling them how you feel. Tell them about your confusion. It could be that they have wrestled for sometime with this problem and your bold openness may give them the opportunity they need.

But there is some good news about parents. Many mothers and fathers, and that includes those bringing up kids on their own, are not as out of touch as you may think. They often have good reasons for laying down rules that restrict your natural inclinations and activities. Don't judge them too harshly. They love you and care about you. They have much more experience than you and know things about life you can only guess at. Learning from hard knocks and life's many pressures makes them good teachers and stronger Christians. You'll discover how wise they are when they start to open up.

Balanced Christian parents are absolutely convinced that God is always right. They know that to follow hard after Christ is to cling to Him and listen to what He says. He will deal with sexual immorality some day. He will Judge those who are guilty. God invented sex, gave it to us as a precious gift of life and wisely limited its use. If you are a Christian teenager you will want to humbly submit to God's plan for sex while seeking to understand its beauty and dangers. If you do this you should not be disappointed.

Let's be frank. There are parents who are informed. There are parents who can remember only too well their own problems. Many of them know about WHT (Wandering Hand Trouble). They know about heavy petting (touching sexually sensitive parts of the body). They know about the dangers of tongue-kissing. They know that intimacy automatically prepares two bodies for sexual fulfilment. They also know that masturbation is usually linked to impure thoughts, lust and pornographic magazines. Some understand that intense sexual pressure and burning lusts can lead to perversion and intimate, immoral behaviour among teenagers of the same sex.

Your parents were once teenagers. They've been there. One day you may be a parent who will have to sit down and tell your own kids what sex is all about. How will you go about it? You will have to help them understand the meaning of words like contraception, ovary, sperm, arousal, intercourse, erection, homosexuality, menstruation and abortion. All you say will have to reflect the beauty and wonder of sex within the secure commitment of a loving, godly marriage. You won't find it a breeze.

Your situation may be unique. You may not have any parents or maybe only one parent is a Christian, Perhaps you are the only Christian at home. If you face special problems and realise your need of a proper dignified sex education, you might consider approaching helpful and thoughtful leaders in your church youth club. Maybe relatives such as aunts and uncles could help. Although most doctors are dedicated and caring to a point, they would be unable to show you the loving Christian care and direction you really need in this very sensitive area. They may not have the time either. The same is true of teachers at school.

A word to parents: Parents need to think, pray and educate themselves. Sometimes they are very much at fault. They need to be aware of their children's needs. They need to pave the way a little before periods and wet dreams arrive. Sex, as God intended it, should be familiar to kids before television and peers distort it out of all recognition. Young teens should see sex as something positive, a wonderful gift from God that must be respected and carefully controlled.

Problems like masturbation (is it a problem?) and homosexuality need to be discussed in a serious, godly atmosphere in the home before they are taught as legitimate practices. There's a war going on for the hearts and minds of your teenagers. Sex must be explained in a modern yet dignified way, in keeping with God's Word.

Consider what translation you use when sharing God's Word with young teens: "Wherefore lay apart all filthiness and superfluity of naughtiness, and receive with meekness the engrafted word, which is able to save your souls" (James 1:21 , Authorised Version). What?

You may not be helping your children's understanding of sex by allowing them to watch television unattended before the so-called 9 o'clock watershed. Despite reassurances from television companies, scenes containing violence and pornography can be seen much earlier. For example, two programmes shown in recent years not long after 7 o'clock contained scenes where a naked dance company performed semi-erotic acts, and a male model, after washing himself sensually, stepped out of the shower and dried himself off. Think long and hard before allowing a young teenager a TV in his or her room. Pay special attention to the time your teens spend on the Internet.

THE TEENAGER AND SEX

A television programme for schools featured a lively debate on sex education by intelligent non-Christian sixth formers. The programme is discussed here to underline the importance of replacing the flawed world-view on sex with clearly defined biblical principles.

Christian teenagers who are taught to stick to God's absolute standards will find the debaters' moral attitudes interesting and hopefully challenging. This was a controlled and very public debate. The participants probably expressed themselves a little more freely off-camera.

Generally speaking there seemed to be agreement that when it came to sex education parents all too often let their teenage children down. As a result, many bypassed their parents altogether, believing they have the right to keep some aspects of their lives strictly confidential.

Parents were considered too old-fashioned, worrying too much about their children getting pregnant. "Sex is for having babies" and wrong before marriage, was the alleged parental view. This was also labelled a restrictive religious doctrine based on one particular perspective of morality - not necessarily correct.

The impression was given that marriage and everything it stands for will soon be assigned to history. Most did not believe in marriage: a sound marriage relationship is increasingly unlikely, was one reasonably accurate observation.

The group believed that on the whole adults should not have the final say on teenage sexual behaviour. Educated teenagers can look after themselves, it was claimed. Sex, as long as it is safe, is a meaningful experience in a good relationship, they said, although no one attempted to define meaningful and good.

Teachers were also criticised for not being properly trained in sex education. Many were considered too shy to competently teach teenagers about sex. Some pupils thought they knew more about sex than their teachers did! Interestingly though, one teenage girl was assisted by a teacher who put her in touch with London's Youth Gay Project. This helped her come to terms with her lesbianism.

Most were convinced that they had a right to sex education in schools, mainly because of parental incompetence. They also believed that condoms should be available in schools, but carefully controlled.

Despite the alarming rise in instances of STDs and teenage pregnancies in the 80s and 90s, all those in the debate seemed to agree that young people want to have sex more than ever before. Significantly, they felt they had been put under a lot of peer pressure to engage in sexual activities before they reached sixteen. They knew of many, less responsible than themselves, they claimed, who were behaving recklessly because they appeared to think that AIDS and pregnancies were "terrible things that always happened to someone else." The lesbian teenager dismissed the claim that recent decades of sexual openness were responsible for the sharp rise in STDs and teenage pregnancies.

They were all convinced that the Government was not doing enough to educate kids about "safe sex". They were of the opinion that sex was becoming more and more socially acceptable and it was essential that young people should be properly informed about "safe sex". They clearly associated condoms with "safe sex" and criticised those who did not use them.

But many sexually active young people must realise that it is unwise to rely too much on condoms for "safe sex", whatever that expression may mean. ("Safer sex" is a more accurate term. Condoms help prevent the spread of sexually transmitted diseases, but for preventing pregnancies other less straightforward precautions, such as the pill, are also advisable.)

So, do we need a more intense programme of sex education for young people? There is no good historical reason to believe that sex education will ever result in safe sexual activity: "It has long been accepted that information is insufficient to prompt behaviour change ... others have noted an absence of any clear association between awareness of unsafe sexual practices and a change to safer sex" (Sexual Behaviour in Britain, pub. 1994). This is especially true of teenagers.

A lasting, responsible attitude to sex among teenagers seems somewhat unlikely. In America sex education appears to have failed in the recent past: "Even after the federal government has poured $500 million into sex education programs in public schools since 1973, the symptoms continue to get worse" (Fred Hartley, That Morale Thing, published 1988). The more sexually active teenagers are, the more problems they experience.

Christian teenagers involved in such a debate could point to the evidence against premarital sex. They could justifiably speak out for sexual purity, self-control and sex within marriage - although their views would be largely rejected.

The simple fact is you don't have to have sex before marriage, and you can learn to control your desires, although for an increasingly large number of people, this can be very difficult. If you adopt the world's view on sex you could easily expose yourself to a variety of dangers the movies seemed to have ignored. You are not missing out by refusing to have sex. Besides pushing God's standards to the side, being sexually active before marriage is just plain risky.

Let's consider the implications of becoming pregnant. Bringing a baby into the world during mid-teen years is a huge responsibility. It turns a girl's life upside-down. For a time, at least, it affects her education. It may affect her job prospects. It affects her social life and friendships. It can affect her emotionally. It also puts pressure on her immediate family who will probably become increasingly involved in caring for the baby.

If the father of the child is known and decides to help, he may find he is not mature enough to cope with fatherhood. The chances are he will try to walk away. Very few young teenage marriages or partnerships survive the relentless demands of commitment and responsibility.

It should be mentioned briefly in passing that an unexpected pregnancy in a young Christian marriage can put a couple under considerable stress. New commitments may even threaten the marriage itself. Career plans partly aimed at early financial security may have to be shelved or scrapped. Hopes for the first few years of married life can be quickly dashed. Sex must be carefully controlled in marriage too.

For single girls who are not Christians abortion seems to offer a quick solution to a horrible mess. But like most things in life, it's not that simple:

"Recently, I read these American statistics by Dr. Anne Catherine Speckhard, PhD. of the University of Minnesota, on the long-term manifestations of stress from abortion five to ten years later: 81% reported preoccupation with the aborted child; 73% reported flash backs of the abortion experience; 69% reported feelings of craziness after the abortion; 54% recalled nightmares related to the abortion; 35% had perceived visitations from the aborted child; 23% reported hallucinations related to the abortion.

"In Dr. Speckhard's findings, 72% of the subjects said they held no religious beliefs at the time of their abortion and 96% in retrospect regarded abortion as the taking of life or as murder" (from Teens Speak Out by Josh McDowell).

Politicians are forced to foster the ideology of abortion because of the high incidences of rape and the widespread acceptance of free sexual activity. Societies shaken by the consequences of sin are desperate for solutions. Sometimes priorities get depressingly mixed up. It's hard to live with the more extreme views of animal lovers. "Losing a cat is like losing a child," an Australian claimed on a recent news report. "You just don't get over it." It's frustrating to see the public rising up against the heartless treatment of animals while abortion clinics continue their war unabated, destroying the unborn by the thousand every day. The future looks bleak.

In his book Youth: The Endangered Species, Mal Fletcher tells the sad story of Alison who suddenly discovered she was pregnant, even though she was taking the contraceptive pill. She decided to have an abortion secretly. The operation lasted only 15 minutes. Afterwards, to her horror, she learned that she had lost twins. Alison later discovered that her mother, following a doctor's advice, had nearly aborted her. "I felt like slipping into a dark hole in the ground and never coming out," she said. "Today the hardest part is not forgiving myself."

One simple mistake in the heat of passion could put you through a lot of emotional turmoil and even change the entire direction of your life. If you want to increase your chances of being truly safe it is best to educate yourself, put God's ways first and reserve sex for marriage.

"....give Him your bodies, as a living sacrifice, consecrated to Him and acceptable by Him. Don't let the world around you squeeze you into its own mould, but let God re-make you so that your whole attitude of mind is changed. Thus you will prove in practice that the will of God is good..." (Romans 12:1, 2, Phillips ).

Sex education in schools has at least one hidden danger. A teenager put it like this: "Many schools have ... education courses. The information they give out does clear up misunderstandings the students might have had, but they also unintentionally encourage experimentation. The young people have all the correct information, and all that remains for them to do is try it out" (Teens Speak Out). In other words, sex education could indirectly help to encourage and normalise sexual activity among an age group already under immense pressure.

Mal Fletcher makes another important point: "Some parents leave all that talk about sex to their local high school. That can be a major mistake. Not least because you as a parent have no guarantee that your children will be taught what you approve of" (Youth: The Endangered Species).

THE TROUBLE WITH SEX ...

1. Condoms and STDs

The condom is a contraceptive which traps sperm during sexual intercourse. It helps prevent the spread of sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) and reduces the risk of unwanted pregnancies. Many young teenagers are unaware that no single method of contraception ensures 100% protection against pregnancy and STDs.

 The sexually active youth culture makes great use of condoms - usually without added spermicide. Teenagers associate quick, casual sex with condom use. Many juveniles regularly have intercourse because condoms are easily obtained. As a result, inexperience, lust and an urgent animal-like sex drive can lead to unexpected pregnancies and diseases. In many cases no thought is given to contraceptives at all.

Some young girls are shocked to learn they are pregnant even though they thought they were well protected during intercourse by a condom. The best of condoms (quality varies) can be damaged by rings, long or broken nails and rough or chapped skin. Such damage is hard to see and is certainly not a consideration at the time of use. During arousal, some of the 300,000,000 sperm are released in fluid. So condoms must be worn in the early stages of sexual arousal and carefully removed immediately after use. It is also worth remembering that condoms can be unreliable when used after their expiry date.

Alcohol is often associated with undisciplined sexual activity among young people, and with the senses significantly dulled a couple may handle a condom clumsily - if they are able to use one at all.

Through their survey the authors of Sexual Behaviour in Britain have confirmed that too many young teenagers are incapable of having responsible sex: "Where intercourse occurs before the age of 16, nearly half of young women and more than half of young men report no method [of contraception] used either by themselves or by a partner ... This might reflect lack of confidence in seeking contraceptive supplies or advice or, alternatively, the sporadic nature of sexual activity in this age group. This emphasises the particular vulnerability of this group to unplanned pregnancy."

Because condoms have at least a 10% failure rate, it is unwise to depend on them alone to prevent pregnancy - yet many do. They have also been greatly promoted as the way to have "safe sex" to combat the spread of AIDS. AIDS is a sexual disease that kills - there is no cure. The AIDS virus attacks the human immunity system so carriers cannot fight off disease. "AIDS" means "Acquired Immune Deficiency Syndrome". But the condom is not completely successful in preventing the spread of AIDS.

According to author and teacher Josh McDowell two studies in America have shown that when a couple use condoms 100% of the time, and one of them is a carrier of the AIDS virus, over a two year period there is a disturbing failure rate of 17-30%. By no stretch of the imagination can this be called "safe sex".

There are many other STDs including chlamydia, genital herpes, trichomoniasis, gonorrhoea, syphilis and PID (pelvic inflammatory disease). In the UK over 500,000 people visit STD clinics every year. Recent statistics from America reveal that on average over 50,000 people contract a sexually transmitted disease every day, and over 4000 are teenagers. That's approaching 20,000,000 a year compared to 4,000,000 in 1980.

Over 50 STDs have been discovered and of these 20 cannot stopped by contraception. Some STDs appear to be out of control: 25,000,000 people in America have Herpes and it can be passed on to their children.

STDs can be painful and distressing. Their effects can be shocking. For example, the main cause of blindness in the third world is a sexually transmitted disease. Sexually transmitted diseases can "sleep" in the human body for several years. As a result, many sexually active people ignorantly pass on serious diseases - even after marriage.

2. The Pill

The Pill is another method of contraception. Instead of preventing sperm reaching the egg, the Pill once swallowed releases into the female's body synthetic preparations of one or both of the hormones known as oestrogen and progesterone. These prevent egg production. There can be unpleasant side-effects with the Pill including nausea, tender breasts, vaginal discharge, skin discoloration, mild depression, loss of sexual drive, and headaches.

No one will experience all of these side-effects and where they do occur they will vary in intensity from person to person. Careless behaviour because of Pill protection increases the risk of sexually transmitted diseases. Women must make sure they remember to take their pills at the proper time.

3. Sexual behaviour among teenagers

Teenage years bring pressure into your life at a time when you are least able to handle it. Mid-teens are often driven by feelings too strong to allow them time to think about the consequences of their actions. A "live for the moment" mentality can be hard to resist. Television, movies, videos, computer games, music and peers are all shouting out the same misleading message: "If it feels good, do it!" The truth is quite different: if it feels good make sure you're doing it sensibly and responsibly in obedience to the Word of God. If you can't do it sensibly and responsibly, don't bother!

Irrational behaviour will only add to the problems of life. Fun doesn't have to be wild and careless - no matter what you're led to believe. Ricocheting all over town in a small car doesn't mean a young person is cool - it just means he's immature, putting himself, other drivers and pedestrians at risk. No balanced person is impressed by reckless behaviour.

Coming to terms with your own immaturity and foolishness is not something to be ashamed of. Most teenagers go through periods in their lives when, hands on ears, they have to learn the hard way. It takes time to realise that life is not all about the 3 Ps: Pleasure, Performance and Possessions. It may take some years to leave behind childish attitudes and aim for fulfilling goals in life which bring security and contentment.

Don't try to excuse your immature behaviour by telling yourself you are young. If you know you are being childish and irresponsible then you should be taking steps towards amore sensible lifestyle before you get hurt or upset others.

It takes a committed, educated person to say "No!" to sexual pressure - someone who clings to God's standards. Because everybody's doing it, talking about it and singing about it (chart music) doesn't mean it's OK. It's not OK. Many teenagers can't cope with sex. Look past the media message about sex and you will see the truth. Sex has consequences.

The younger you date the more likely you are to expose yourself to sexual pressure. If you start dating at 12 you will probably have sex before you are 17. 9 out of 10 do, according to statistics. If you start dating at 14 or 15 you will still find considerable difficulty in controlling yourself. About 5 out of 10 who start dating at this age will give in to sexual pressure before they are 17. But if you wait the chances are greatly reduced.

A church youth survey in America discovered that 62% of teenagers had been involved in sexual activities. These are mostly teenagers associated with church life, and still they struggle with sexual issues. In the USA more than 1,000,000 teenagers get pregnant every year and 500,000 choose abortion as a solution. Other teenagers who marry find that it doesn't work out: 60% will be divorced within five years and 60% of them will be pregnant again within two years. In Australia 100,000 abortions are carried out each year, 25% of them on teenagers. According to a recent survey "A sizeable minority of young people are now sexually active before the age of 16 ..."

A recent quota-sample survey carried out in the South-West of England, for example, showed 41% of young people aged 16-24 to have had intercourse before the age of 16 (Sexual Behaviour In Britain). In England and Wales illegitimate births have risen over 260% in twenty years; four out of five conceptions to women under 20 are outside marriage; more than 4,500 girls aged 18 and under become pregnant each year.

Sexual misbehaviour is clearly linked to general undisciplined conduct: "Both alcohol consumption and smoking were found to be associated with patterns of sexual behaviour. After controlling for age, social class and marital status, reporting of multiple partnerships was significantly associated with smoking and with increasing levels of alcohol consumption" (Sexual Behaviour in Britain). The popular "Let's party!" approach to life exposes teenagers to careless sex, drunkenness, smoking, drug abuse and even violence.

Having sex with a number of people through your teenage years can lead to serious health problems: "Epidemiological studies indicate that the likelihood of acquiring a sexually transmitted disease increases with the number of sexual partners with whom unprotected sexual intercourse takes place & Studies of cervical cancer have shown an increased risk associated with early age at first intercourse, number of sexual partners, and smoking ... Recent abortion (in the last 5 years) was most common among those aged 16-24 ... possibly reflecting poor use of contraception, greater numbers of sexual partners and a higher prevalence of uncommitted relationships... Women reporting 10 or more partners in their lifetime were more than 5 times more likely to have an abortion than those who had only one partner" (Sexual Behaviour in Britain).

We must draw the line here and face up to the undeniable fact that a significant number of teenagers can 't cope with sex. They are catching and spreading diseases. They are becoming pregnant. They are being forced into abortions. They are relying too heavily on condoms to prevent pregnancy. They are being led to believe there is such a thing as "safe sex". They are being mislead by screen sex. They are losing their virginity to people they don't really love. Too many young girls are bringing up children without fathers and stable family backgrounds. A growing number of teenagers who are told it is normal to express their sexuality often follow their emotional whims right through to the bitter end.

Some of the "progressive" opinions they are exposed to are, at best, too flexible and short-sighted - some would say irresponsible: "Change your behaviour to less risky behaviour," is the curious advice from a youth magazine published in Northern Ireland, because "Sex is a very normal and healthy part of our lives" (Platforum).

The unbelieving world is trying to guide teenagers into safe sex, as they choose to call it. After helping to create a self-indulgent, pleasure-seeking youth culture the world sets about trying to calm them down into a responsible attitude to sex. NO CHANCE!

Sex can be addictive and hard to control. Don't take any risks. Discover the true and lasting value of sex in a meaningful life-long relationship. Marriage is the environment where sex is most precious and works best. The simple truth is you cannot mess with sex or treat it lightly. It has the power to damage your mind and body. It can quickly mess up your future. It can easily pollute you in ways God hates. But, through a real relationship with Christ, the Christian teenager has the power to lessen the damaging effects of sexual pressure in this modern reckless society.

Sexual immorality is sin. God is saying, "Go against the flow!"

It's becoming increasingly difficult to define "safe sex" apart from a loving marriage commitment. Sex is not a necessity. You will not die without it! But millions are dying and suffering because of it. It is possible to resist present sexual trends among other teenagers you know at school, college, or work.

4. Masturbation

Masturbation is causing sexual sensations by touching and arousing yourself. Many people find this subject difficult to discuss. Adults masturbate as well as teenagers. One Christian author admitted he did it himself because of his need for sexual release when he was occasionally parted from his wife. "It is a normal part of growing up" (Sex and that, by Michael Lawson and Dr. David Skip). But some consider these attitudes questionable. Should masturbation really be considered normal at any age? Sexual development is normal, but surely we must learn the right way to control and express our sexuality. Does masturbation help?

Many believe that spiritual maturity demands that only your marriage partner should stimulate you sexually. This is normal sexual behaviour leading up to sexual climax. Sex is after all, considering the function of sex organs, designed for two people - a man and a woman who are fully committed to each other for life.

Some may disagree, but it's difficult not to connect masturbation with a lack of self-control. Self-control is something all Christians should expect to see increasingly in their lives. It is the result of living a normal Christian life in the will of God by the power of His Spirit. It is our goal. We may fail, but that's no excuse for totally giving up.

Can we seriously expect teenage masturbation not to involve sexual fantasies? And what about pornographic material? Sexually immoral thoughts are harmful and, of course, sinful. Add masturbation and the average teenager is out of control. Pornography exists because people are obsessed with sex: they pervert it and this in turn has a corrupting effect on those who enjoy it. Such corruption can be very difficult to shake off. Sex is addictive.

Those who find masturbation a problem should firstly pray sincerely about it, then look at their lives to see if there are any areas that are not helpful. For example, watching television late at night will almost certainly expose you to strong sexual immorality. Allowing yourself to be tempted when surfing the Net will only draw you back again and again. Do not allow your lower nature to be stirred up. You have a new nature; you are a new creation.

Television has a growing problem with sex (and politics!) at all times of the day and night . Sex sells. Sex attracts viewers. People like to be turned on. Don't allow yourself to be caught on the sex hook. There are a lot of frustrated people out there.

Indecent full-frontal scenes have been broadcast in the afternoon on British television, so you can imagine what gets screened at night. So-called friends who are not Christians can also cause sexual problems for Christian teenagers who are struggling to hold on to biblical standards. Select your friends carefully and keep a check on what you watch. The same rules apply to renting out home videos and going to see a movie. You are permanently attached to a powerful set of standards and you can never leave them behind.

A word to parents: Do not assume your children are safe watching Parental Guidance films: "Parents might like to check up on it [a PG film] before showing it to their younger children. If it's an action film it might have some violence. If it's romantic it might have some sexy scenes or very brief nudity. It might also have some milder swear words" (official definition). So even PG films might cause you problems.

The world's standards are slipping lower every year. Films containing immorality and swearing are sometimes promoted as family presentations. Incidentally, concerned parents should check up on schools to see what PG home videos (for home use only) and programmes recorded from television are being shown to their children at special times of the year, such as Christmas and end of term. Sometimes teachers disregard the rights of parents and allow children to watch material at school Christian parents would not show at home. Parents cannot rely on the guidance of teachers. "Parental Guidance" means just that!

Also, take time to watch some of the more 'progressive' schools programmes on TV. You will be shocked at the way life and sex are portrayed, warts and all - essential biblical truths we hold dear are bulldozed out of the way. A guest on a recently screened sex education programme for teenagers pointed out that a strong condom should be used during anal sex. What do your children see? What dubious opinions are they regularly exposed to? What are they reading during lessons at school? Whose example will they follow?

Back to Contents

Email the Author