Information
and Advice for Christian Teenagers
CHAPTER
2
SAFE
SEX
Dealing with sex is one
of the hardest parts of growing up. Things get even worse
if you try to stick to the biblical view on sex. You'll
feel left out in the cold.
You are led to believe
that having sex is now a normal part of growing up. It's
almost impossible to avoid sexual pressure at some stage
during your teenage years. You just can't get away from
the modern view of sex. Sex, you are told, is fun. Having
sex is normal - it's a natural thing for young people to
do. Sex before marriage is OK. We are told that teenagers
should be properly educated so that they can have a safe
and healthy sex life. But who teaches you, and what do
your teachers believe? Are they right?
A significant number
of television programmes and movies, including some PG
films, contain nudity and sex scenes. Those that don't
will probably suggest that sex has taken place. Nearly
everyone who has a romantic' relationship is sooner or
later seen in bed (or anywhere) having screen sex without
consequences. But is this the real world? Films are made
to entertain and make money, so we hear very little about
disease, contraception, hygiene, pregnancy, abortion and
emotional problems associated with throw away relationships
and casual sex.
Are you being misled
and misinformed by an irresponsible attitude to sex? Is
having sex really as straightforward as it seems? Are there
serious risks? Is the Christian view of sex embarrassingly
old-fashioned and out of touch? Should you be afraid of
sex? What should the confused Christian teenager do? What
does God expect of you?
This chapter will help
you discover the truth about sex. It is intended for Christian
teenagers 14 and over who have already
received basic sex education. It is not in any way intended to be a
substitute for a proper sex education.
GIVE YOUR PARENTS SOME SPACE
Teenagers often complain
about their parents, and some of their grievances are worth
listening to. But Christian parents, like everyone else,
struggle with the varied demands of life and don't always
get it right. It's quite true - it seems as if they should!
After all, they have lived longer, learned more and have
had plenty of time to work it all out. But it's just not
that simple. Some of today's disgruntled teenagers may
find out in later years that they are unable to live up
to their children's expectations.
Parents are mothers and
fathers, husbands and wives who have to wrestle with the
hassles of life - things like bills, sick children, mortgages,
illnesses, car maintenance (assuming they an afford one),
shopping, working all day (or trying to find work), neighbourliness,
marriage stability, general Christian responsibility, visiting
and supporting elderly relatives, coping with the never-ending
demands of housework and instructing their children in
the ways of good Christian conduct. It's tough!
Teaching
about sex is tough too. It's hard to know what to do
and say. Parents
are only too aware that their young teenagers would "Just
die!" if sex was even mentioned, and if parents are honest
they will admit that they can feel as awkward as their
embarrassed kids. Unfortunately some parents are just too
shy to talk about sex while others don't seem to care in
the least.
There could be reasons
for some parents' reluctance to talk about sex. It's possible
that they had bad sexual experiences during their teenage
years. They may believe that it's best to leave sex education
to properly qualified individuals. So they hope their children
will learn about it in biology or science. But these subjects
explain how sex works, without commenting on human morality,
relationships and responsibility. Basic knowledge taught
in a classroom will not help you to be sexually secure
and responsible. Besides, no one is better qualified than
parents to teach their kids about sex.
It could be a teenager's
mum got pregnant before marriage. She might believe that
it would be hypocritical to talk about a responsible approach
to sex.
Generally speaking, it
would seem that there are too many parents trying to control
their children with orders and laws alone. To make matters
worse, overly protective and nosey behaviour repeatedly
exasperates teenagers (Ephesians 6:4; Colossians 3:20).
Maybe you know all about it! Some parents are undoubtedly
to blame when their teenage kids switch off during every
essential lecture and the occasional unexpected attempts
at sex education.
Teenagers can be manipulated
and used by unreasonable, insecure adults who pig-headedly
tie them tightly to parental apron strings and selfishly
drag them around just for company. And you're nobody's
fool when you're sent on an errand by a lazy parent!
Parents
who merely bark out orders without adding good, clear
reasons for them
are in danger of turning their children into rebels. For
example, "You can't wear that - it's not decent" reflects
a good moral attitude, but on its own it is an abrupt and
insensitive order that may appear too old-fashioned and
rigid. Parents must make rules, but rules without sensitive
and caring explanations will likely cause friction and
resentment. Don't always assume your parents are wrong
because they won't take time to explain their attitudes
and rules.
Some parents are oblivious
to the sexual pressure that affects their teenage children.
They really haven't given any thought to the serious consequences
of sexual irresponsibility among teenagers today. They
have never taken the time to read sound Christian books
on sex. They have too soon forgotten the filthy, crude
talk and behaviour they were exposed to at school. They
are not aware of the explosion in sexually related material
in teen mags, sensual chart music videos and on TV and
the Net.
Some
adults are victims of stuffy religion. They just can't
relate to their sixteen-year-old
who is supposed to be a Christian. "You just don't talk
about that sort of thing. Here's a good book my mother
gave me [published in 1953]. It will help you understand
these personal matters. When you are married it will be
all right."
The
teenager who has just had a loud and lyrically sound
Christian band "chewing
on his ear" may not be too impressed by "Dignified Intimacy in Holy Matrimony" by
Dr. Archibald Hetherington. He may get the impression that
the Church is saying sex is hush-hush - something strictly
for procreation (for having babies) and so secretive you
shouldn't even mention it until you're 18! But by then
it may be too late. Picking up the pieces isn't nice.
Other parents have never
had much interest in sex. It can happen! It may
be as exciting to them as vacuuming the stairs. They may
file it' away into the back of their minds and give little
or no attention to your sexual development. As a result
you find yourself seeking advice from people your own age
who certainly lack wisdom, common sense and maturity. Youthful
experience is an unreliable guide.
It's possible your mum
and dad need your help to break the ice with this
sex thing. You could open a door for them by frankly telling
them how you feel. Tell them about your confusion. It could
be that they have wrestled for sometime with this problem
and your bold openness may give them the opportunity they
need.
But there is some good
news about parents. Many mothers and fathers, and that
includes those bringing up kids on their own, are not as
out of touch as you may think. They often have good reasons
for laying down rules that restrict your natural inclinations
and activities. Don't judge them too harshly. They love
you and care about you. They have much more experience
than you and know things about life you can only guess
at. Learning from hard knocks and life's many pressures
makes them good teachers and stronger Christians. You'll
discover how wise they are when they start to open up.
Balanced Christian parents
are absolutely convinced that God is always right. They
know that to follow hard after Christ is to cling to Him
and listen to what He says. He will deal with sexual immorality
some day. He will Judge those who are guilty. God invented
sex, gave it to us as a precious gift of life and wisely
limited its use. If you are a Christian teenager you will
want to humbly submit to God's plan for sex while seeking
to understand its beauty and dangers. If you do this you
should not be disappointed.
Let's be frank. There
are parents who are informed. There are parents who can
remember only too well their own problems. Many of them
know about WHT (Wandering Hand Trouble). They know about
heavy petting (touching sexually sensitive parts of the
body). They know about the dangers of tongue-kissing. They
know that intimacy automatically prepares two bodies
for sexual fulfilment. They also know that masturbation
is usually linked to impure thoughts, lust and pornographic
magazines. Some understand that intense sexual pressure
and burning lusts can lead to perversion and intimate,
immoral behaviour among teenagers of the same sex.
Your parents were once
teenagers. They've been there. One day you may be a parent
who will have to sit down and tell your own kids what sex
is all about. How will you go about it? You will have to
help them understand the meaning of words like contraception,
ovary, sperm, arousal, intercourse, erection, homosexuality,
menstruation and abortion. All you say will have to reflect
the beauty and wonder of sex within the secure commitment
of a loving, godly marriage. You won't find it a breeze.
Your situation may be
unique. You may not have any parents or maybe only one
parent is a Christian, Perhaps you are the only Christian
at home. If you face special problems and realise your
need of a proper dignified sex education, you might consider
approaching helpful and thoughtful leaders in your church
youth club. Maybe relatives such as aunts and uncles could
help. Although most doctors are dedicated and caring to
a point, they would be unable to show you the loving Christian
care and direction you really need in this very sensitive
area. They may not have the time either. The same is true
of teachers at school.
A word to parents: Parents
need to think, pray and educate themselves. Sometimes they
are very much at fault. They need to be aware of their
children's needs. They need to pave the way a little before
periods and wet dreams arrive. Sex, as God intended it,
should be familiar to kids before television and peers
distort it out of all recognition. Young teens should see
sex as something positive, a wonderful gift from God that
must be respected and carefully controlled.
Problems like masturbation
(is it a problem?) and homosexuality need to be discussed
in a serious, godly atmosphere in the home before they
are taught as legitimate practices. There's a war going
on for the hearts and minds of your teenagers. Sex
must be explained in a modern yet dignified way, in keeping
with God's Word.
Consider
what translation you use when sharing God's Word with
young teens: "Wherefore
lay apart all filthiness and superfluity of naughtiness,
and receive with meekness the engrafted word, which is
able to save your souls" (James 1:21 , Authorised Version).
What?
You may not be helping
your children's understanding of sex by allowing them to
watch television unattended before the so-called 9 o'clock
watershed. Despite reassurances from television companies,
scenes containing violence and pornography can be seen
much earlier. For example, two programmes shown in recent
years not long after 7 o'clock contained scenes where a
naked dance company performed semi-erotic acts, and a male
model, after washing himself sensually, stepped out of
the shower and dried himself off. Think long and hard before
allowing a young teenager a TV in his or her room. Pay
special attention to the time your teens spend on the Internet.
THE TEENAGER AND SEX
A television programme
for schools featured a lively debate on sex education by
intelligent non-Christian sixth formers. The programme
is discussed here to underline the importance of replacing
the flawed world-view on sex with clearly defined biblical
principles.
Christian teenagers who
are taught to stick to God's absolute standards will find
the debaters' moral attitudes interesting and hopefully
challenging. This was a controlled and very public debate.
The participants probably expressed themselves a little
more freely off-camera.
Generally speaking there
seemed to be agreement that when it came to sex education
parents all too often let their teenage children down.
As a result, many bypassed their parents altogether, believing
they have the right to keep some aspects of their lives
strictly confidential.
Parents
were considered too old-fashioned, worrying too much
about their children
getting pregnant. "Sex is for having babies" and wrong
before marriage, was the alleged parental view. This was
also labelled a restrictive religious doctrine based
on one particular perspective of morality - not necessarily
correct.
The impression was given
that marriage and everything it stands for will soon be
assigned to history. Most did not believe in marriage:
a sound marriage relationship is increasingly unlikely,
was one reasonably accurate observation.
The group believed that
on the whole adults should not have the final say on teenage
sexual behaviour. Educated teenagers can look after themselves,
it was claimed. Sex, as long as it is safe, is a meaningful
experience in a good relationship, they said, although
no one attempted to define meaningful and good.
Teachers were also criticised
for not being properly trained in sex education. Many were
considered too shy to competently teach teenagers about
sex. Some pupils thought they knew more about sex than
their teachers did! Interestingly though, one teenage girl
was assisted by a teacher who put her in touch with London's
Youth Gay Project. This helped her come to terms with her
lesbianism.
Most were convinced that
they had a right to sex education in schools, mainly because
of parental incompetence. They also believed that condoms
should be available in schools, but carefully controlled.
Despite the alarming
rise in instances of STDs and teenage pregnancies in the
80s and 90s, all those in the debate seemed to agree that
young people want to have sex more than ever before. Significantly,
they felt they had been put under a lot of peer pressure
to engage in sexual activities before they reached sixteen.
They knew of many, less responsible than themselves,
they claimed, who were behaving recklessly because they
appeared to think that AIDS and pregnancies were "terrible
things that always happened to someone else." The lesbian
teenager dismissed the claim that recent decades of sexual
openness were responsible for the sharp rise in STDs and
teenage pregnancies.
They
were all convinced that the Government was not doing
enough to educate kids
about "safe sex". They were of the opinion that sex was
becoming more and more socially acceptable and it was essential
that young people should be properly informed about "safe
sex". They clearly associated condoms with "safe sex" and
criticised those who did not use them.
But
many sexually active young people must realise that it
is unwise to rely too
much on condoms for "safe sex", whatever that expression
may mean. ("Safer sex" is a more accurate term. Condoms
help prevent the spread of sexually transmitted diseases,
but for preventing pregnancies other less straightforward precautions,
such as the pill, are also advisable.)
So,
do we need a more intense programme of sex education
for young people? There
is no good historical reason to believe that sex education
will ever result in safe sexual activity: "It has long
been accepted that information is insufficient to prompt
behaviour change ... others have noted an absence of any
clear association between awareness of unsafe sexual practices
and a change to safer sex" (Sexual Behaviour in Britain, pub.
1994). This is especially true of teenagers.
A
lasting, responsible attitude to sex among teenagers
seems somewhat unlikely.
In America sex education appears to have failed in the
recent past: "Even after the federal government has poured
$500 million into sex education programs in public schools
since 1973, the symptoms continue to get worse" (Fred Hartley, That Morale Thing, published
1988). The more sexually active teenagers are, the more
problems they experience.
Christian teenagers involved
in such a debate could point to the evidence against premarital
sex. They could justifiably speak out for sexual purity,
self-control and sex within marriage - although their views
would be largely rejected.
The simple fact is you don't have
to have sex before marriage, and you can learn to
control your desires, although for an increasingly large
number of people, this can be very difficult. If you adopt
the world's view on sex you could easily expose yourself
to a variety of dangers the movies seemed to have ignored.
You are not missing out by refusing to have sex. Besides
pushing God's standards to the side, being sexually active
before marriage is just plain risky.
Let's consider the implications
of becoming pregnant. Bringing a baby into the world during
mid-teen years is a huge responsibility. It turns a girl's
life upside-down. For a time, at least, it affects her
education. It may affect her job prospects. It affects
her social life and friendships. It can affect her emotionally.
It also puts pressure on her immediate family who will
probably become increasingly involved in caring for the
baby.
If the father of the
child is known and decides to help, he may find he is not
mature enough to cope with fatherhood. The chances are
he will try to walk away. Very few young teenage marriages
or partnerships survive the relentless demands of commitment
and responsibility.
It
should be mentioned briefly in passing that an unexpected
pregnancy in a young
Christian marriage can put a couple under considerable
stress. New commitments may even threaten the marriage
itself. Career plans partly aimed at early financial security
may have to be shelved or scrapped. Hopes for the first
few years of married life can be quickly dashed. Sex must
be carefully controlled in marriage too.
For single girls who
are not Christians abortion seems to offer a quick
solution to a horrible mess. But like most things in life,
it's not that simple:
"Recently,
I read these American statistics by Dr. Anne Catherine
Speckhard, PhD.
of the University of Minnesota, on the long-term manifestations
of stress from abortion five to ten years later: 81% reported preoccupation with
the aborted child; 73% reported flash backs of the
abortion experience; 69% reported feelings of craziness after
the abortion; 54% recalled nightmares related to
the abortion; 35% had perceived visitations from
the aborted child; 23% reported hallucinations related
to the abortion.
"In Dr. Speckhard's findings,
72% of the subjects said they held no religious beliefs
at the time of their abortion and 96% in retrospect regarded
abortion as the taking of life or as murder" (from Teens Speak Out by
Josh McDowell).
Politicians
are forced to foster the ideology of abortion because
of the high
incidences of rape and the widespread acceptance of free
sexual activity. Societies shaken by the consequences of
sin are desperate for solutions. Sometimes priorities get
depressingly mixed up. It's hard to live with the more
extreme views of animal lovers. "Losing a cat is like losing
a child," an Australian claimed on a recent news report. "You
just don't get over it." It's frustrating to see the public
rising up against the heartless treatment of animals while
abortion clinics continue their war unabated, destroying
the unborn by the thousand every day. The future looks
bleak.
In his book Youth: The Endangered Species, Mal
Fletcher tells the sad story of Alison who suddenly discovered
she was pregnant, even though she was taking the contraceptive
pill. She decided to have an abortion secretly. The operation
lasted only 15 minutes. Afterwards, to her horror, she
learned that she had lost twins. Alison later discovered
that her mother, following a doctor's advice, had nearly
aborted her. "I felt like slipping into a dark hole in
the ground and never coming out," she said. "Today the
hardest part is not forgiving myself."
One simple mistake in
the heat of passion could put you through a lot of emotional
turmoil and even change the entire direction of your life.
If you want to increase your chances of being truly safe
it is best to educate yourself, put God's ways first and
reserve sex for marriage.
"....give Him your bodies,
as a living sacrifice, consecrated to Him and acceptable
by Him. Don't let the world around you squeeze you into
its own mould, but let God re-make you so that your whole
attitude of mind is changed. Thus you will prove in practice
that the will of God is good..." (Romans 12:1, 2, Phillips ).
Sex
education in schools has at least one hidden danger.
A teenager put it like
this: "Many schools have ... education courses. The information
they give out does clear up misunderstandings the students
might have had, but they also unintentionally encourage
experimentation. The young people have all the correct
information, and all that remains for them to do is try
it out" (Teens Speak Out). In other
words, sex education could indirectly help to encourage
and normalise sexual activity among an age group already
under immense pressure.
Mal
Fletcher makes another important point: "Some parents leave all that talk about
sex to their local high school. That can be a major mistake.
Not least because you as a parent have no guarantee that
your children will be taught what you approve of" (Youth: The Endangered Species).
THE TROUBLE WITH SEX ...
1. Condoms and STDs
The condom is a contraceptive
which traps sperm during sexual intercourse. It helps prevent
the spread of sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) and
reduces the risk of unwanted pregnancies. Many young teenagers
are unaware that no single method of contraception ensures
100% protection against pregnancy and STDs.
The
sexually active youth culture makes great use of condoms
- usually without
added spermicide. Teenagers associate quick, casual sex
with condom use. Many juveniles regularly have intercourse
because condoms are easily obtained. As a result, inexperience,
lust and an urgent animal-like sex drive can lead to unexpected
pregnancies and diseases. In many cases no thought is given
to contraceptives at all.
Some young girls are
shocked to learn they are pregnant even though they thought
they were well protected during intercourse by a condom.
The best of condoms (quality varies) can be damaged by
rings, long or broken nails and rough or chapped skin.
Such damage is hard to see and is certainly not a consideration
at the time of use. During arousal, some of the 300,000,000
sperm are released in fluid. So condoms must be worn in
the early stages of sexual arousal and carefully removed immediately after
use. It is also worth remembering that condoms can be unreliable
when used after their expiry date.
Alcohol is often associated
with undisciplined sexual activity among young people,
and with the senses significantly dulled a couple may handle
a condom clumsily - if they are able to use one at all.
Through their survey
the authors of Sexual Behaviour in Britain have
confirmed that too many young teenagers are incapable of
having responsible sex: "Where intercourse occurs before
the age of 16, nearly half of young women and more than
half of young men report no method [of contraception] used
either by themselves or by a partner ... This might reflect
lack of confidence in seeking contraceptive supplies or
advice or, alternatively, the sporadic nature of sexual
activity in this age group. This emphasises the particular
vulnerability of this group to unplanned pregnancy."
Because condoms have at
least a 10% failure rate, it is unwise to depend
on them alone to prevent pregnancy - yet many do. They
have also been greatly promoted as the way to have "safe
sex" to combat the spread of AIDS. AIDS is a sexual disease
that kills - there is no cure. The AIDS virus attacks
the human immunity system so carriers cannot fight off
disease. "AIDS" means "Acquired Immune Deficiency Syndrome".
But the condom is not completely successful in preventing
the spread of AIDS.
According
to author and teacher Josh McDowell two studies in America
have shown
that when a couple use condoms 100% of the time, and one
of them is a carrier of the AIDS virus, over a two year
period there is a disturbing failure rate of 17-30%. By
no stretch of the imagination can this be called "safe
sex".
There are many other
STDs including chlamydia, genital herpes, trichomoniasis,
gonorrhoea, syphilis and PID (pelvic inflammatory disease).
In the UK over 500,000 people visit STD clinics every year.
Recent statistics from America reveal that on average over
50,000 people contract a sexually transmitted disease every
day, and over 4000 are teenagers. That's approaching
20,000,000 a year compared to 4,000,000 in 1980.
Over 50 STDs have been
discovered and of these 20 cannot stopped by contraception.
Some STDs appear to be out of control: 25,000,000 people
in America have Herpes and it can be passed on to their
children.
STDs
can be painful and distressing. Their effects can be
shocking. For example,
the main cause of blindness in the third world is a sexually
transmitted disease. Sexually transmitted diseases can "sleep" in
the human body for several years. As a result, many sexually
active people ignorantly pass on serious diseases - even
after marriage.
2. The Pill
The Pill is another method
of contraception. Instead of preventing sperm reaching
the egg, the Pill once swallowed releases into the female's
body synthetic preparations of one or both of the hormones
known as oestrogen and progesterone. These prevent egg
production. There can be unpleasant side-effects with the
Pill including nausea, tender breasts, vaginal discharge,
skin discoloration, mild depression, loss of sexual drive,
and headaches.
No one will experience
all of these side-effects and where they do occur they
will vary in intensity from person to person. Careless
behaviour because of Pill protection increases the risk
of sexually transmitted diseases. Women must make sure
they remember to take their pills at the proper time.
3. Sexual behaviour among teenagers
Teenage
years bring pressure into your life at a time when you
are least able to handle
it. Mid-teens are often driven by feelings too strong to
allow them time to think about the consequences of their
actions. A "live for the moment" mentality can be hard
to resist. Television, movies, videos, computer games,
music and peers are all shouting out the same misleading
message: "If it feels good, do it!" The truth is quite
different: if it feels good make sure you're doing it sensibly
and responsibly in obedience to the Word of God. If you
can't do it sensibly and responsibly, don't bother!
Irrational behaviour
will only add to the problems of life. Fun doesn't have
to be wild and careless - no matter what you're led to
believe. Ricocheting all over town in a small car doesn't
mean a young person is cool - it just means he's immature,
putting himself, other drivers and pedestrians at risk.
No balanced person is impressed by reckless behaviour.
Coming to terms with
your own immaturity and foolishness is not something to
be ashamed of. Most teenagers go through periods in their
lives when, hands on ears, they have to learn the hard
way. It takes time to realise that life is not all about
the 3 Ps: Pleasure, Performance and Possessions. It may
take some years to leave behind childish attitudes and
aim for fulfilling goals in life which bring security and
contentment.
Don't try to excuse your
immature behaviour by telling yourself you are young. If
you know you are being childish and irresponsible
then you should be taking steps towards amore sensible
lifestyle before you get hurt or upset others.
It
takes a committed, educated person to say "No!" to sexual
pressure - someone who clings to God's standards. Because
everybody's doing
it, talking about it and singing about it (chart music)
doesn't mean it's OK. It's not OK. Many teenagers can't
cope with sex. Look past the media message about sex and
you will see the truth. Sex has consequences.
The younger you date
the more likely you are to expose yourself to sexual pressure.
If you start dating at 12 you will probably have sex before
you are 17. 9 out of 10 do, according to statistics. If
you start dating at 14 or 15 you will still find considerable
difficulty in controlling yourself. About 5 out of 10 who
start dating at this age will give in to sexual pressure
before they are 17. But if you wait the chances are greatly
reduced.
A church youth
survey in America discovered that 62% of teenagers had
been involved in sexual activities. These are mostly teenagers
associated with church life, and still they struggle with
sexual issues. In the USA more than 1,000,000 teenagers
get pregnant every year and 500,000 choose abortion as
a solution. Other teenagers who marry find that it doesn't
work out: 60% will be divorced within five years and 60%
of them will be pregnant again within two years. In Australia
100,000 abortions are carried out each year, 25% of them
on teenagers. According to a recent survey "A sizeable
minority of young people are now sexually active before
the age of 16 ..."
A recent quota-sample
survey carried out in the South-West of England, for example,
showed 41% of young people aged 16-24 to have had intercourse
before the age of 16 (Sexual Behaviour In Britain). In
England and Wales illegitimate births have risen over 260%
in twenty years; four out of five conceptions to women
under 20 are outside marriage; more than 4,500 girls aged
18 and under become pregnant each year.
Sexual
misbehaviour is clearly linked to general undisciplined
conduct: "Both
alcohol consumption and smoking were found to be associated
with patterns of sexual behaviour. After controlling for
age, social class and marital status, reporting of multiple
partnerships was significantly associated with smoking
and with increasing levels of alcohol consumption" (Sexual Behaviour in Britain). The
popular "Let's party!" approach to life exposes teenagers
to careless sex, drunkenness, smoking, drug abuse and even
violence.
Having
sex with a number of people through your teenage years
can lead to serious
health problems: "Epidemiological studies indicate that
the likelihood of acquiring a sexually transmitted disease
increases with the number of sexual partners with whom
unprotected sexual intercourse takes place & Studies
of cervical cancer have shown an increased risk associated
with early age at first intercourse, number of sexual partners,
and smoking ... Recent abortion (in the last 5 years)
was most common among those aged 16-24 ... possibly reflecting
poor use of contraception, greater numbers of sexual partners
and a higher prevalence of uncommitted relationships...
Women reporting 10 or more partners in their lifetime were
more than 5 times more likely to have an abortion than
those who had only one partner" (Sexual Behaviour in Britain).
We
must draw the line here and face up to the undeniable
fact that a significant
number of teenagers can 't cope with sex. They are catching
and spreading diseases. They are becoming pregnant. They
are being forced into abortions. They are relying too heavily
on condoms to prevent pregnancy. They are being led to
believe there is such a thing as "safe sex". They are being
mislead by screen sex. They are losing their virginity
to people they don't really love. Too many young girls
are bringing up children without fathers and stable family
backgrounds. A growing number of teenagers who are told
it is normal to express their sexuality often follow their
emotional whims right through to the bitter end.
Some
of the "progressive" opinions
they are exposed to are, at best, too flexible and short-sighted
- some would say irresponsible: "Change your behaviour
to less risky behaviour," is the curious advice from a
youth magazine published in Northern Ireland, because "Sex
is a very normal and healthy part of our lives" (Platforum).
The unbelieving world
is trying to guide teenagers into safe sex, as they choose
to call it. After helping to create a self-indulgent, pleasure-seeking
youth culture the world sets about trying to calm them
down into a responsible attitude to sex. NO CHANCE!
Sex can be addictive
and hard to control. Don't take any risks. Discover
the true and lasting value of sex in a meaningful life-long
relationship. Marriage is the environment where sex is
most precious and works best. The simple truth is you cannot mess
with sex or treat it lightly. It
has the power to damage your mind and body. It can quickly
mess up your future. It can easily pollute you in ways
God hates. But, through a real relationship with Christ,
the Christian teenager has the power to lessen the damaging
effects of sexual pressure in this modern reckless society.
Sexual immorality is sin. God
is saying, "Go against the flow!"
It's
becoming increasingly difficult to define "safe sex" apart
from a loving marriage commitment. Sex is not a necessity.
You will not die without
it! But millions are dying and suffering because of it.
It is possible to resist present sexual trends among
other teenagers you know at school, college, or work.
4. Masturbation
Masturbation
is causing sexual sensations by touching and arousing
yourself. Many
people find this subject difficult to discuss. Adults masturbate
as well as teenagers. One Christian author admitted he
did it himself because of his need for sexual release when
he was occasionally parted from his wife. "It is a normal
part of growing up" (Sex and that, by Michael Lawson
and Dr. David Skip). But some consider these attitudes
questionable. Should masturbation really be considered
normal at any age? Sexual development is normal, but surely
we must learn the right way to control and express our
sexuality. Does masturbation help?
Many believe that spiritual
maturity demands that only your marriage partner should
stimulate you sexually. This is normal sexual behaviour
leading up to sexual climax. Sex is after all, considering
the function of sex organs, designed for two people - a
man and a woman who are fully committed to each other for
life.
Some may disagree, but
it's difficult not to connect masturbation with a lack
of self-control. Self-control is something all Christians
should expect to see increasingly in their lives. It is
the result of living a normal Christian life in the will
of God by the power of His Spirit. It is our goal. We may
fail, but that's no excuse for totally giving up.
Can
we seriously expect teenage masturbation not to involve
sexual fantasies? And
what about pornographic material? Sexually immoral thoughts
are harmful and, of course, sinful. Add masturbation and the
average teenager is out of control. Pornography exists
because people are obsessed with sex: they pervert it and
this in turn has a corrupting effect on those who enjoy
it. Such corruption can be very difficult to shake off. Sex
is addictive.
Those who find masturbation
a problem should firstly pray sincerely about it, then
look at their lives to see if there are any areas that
are not helpful. For example, watching television late
at night will almost certainly expose you to strong sexual
immorality. Allowing yourself to be tempted when surfing
the Net will only draw you back again and again. Do not
allow your lower nature to be stirred up. You have a new
nature; you are a new creation.
Television has a growing
problem with sex (and politics!) at all times of the day
and night . Sex sells. Sex attracts viewers. People like
to be turned on. Don't allow yourself to be caught on the
sex hook. There are a lot of frustrated people out there.
Indecent full-frontal
scenes have been broadcast in the afternoon on
British television, so you can imagine what gets screened
at night. So-called friends who are not Christians can
also cause sexual problems for Christian teenagers who
are struggling to hold on to biblical standards. Select
your friends carefully and keep a check on what you watch.
The same rules apply to renting out home videos and going
to see a movie. You are permanently attached to a powerful
set of standards and you can never leave them behind.
A word to parents: Do
not assume your children are safe watching Parental Guidance
films: "Parents might like to check up on it [a PG film]
before showing it to their younger children. If it's an
action film it might have some violence. If it's romantic
it might have some sexy scenes or very brief nudity. It
might also have some milder swear words" (official definition).
So even PG films might cause you problems.
The world's standards
are slipping lower every year. Films containing immorality
and swearing are sometimes promoted as family presentations.
Incidentally, concerned parents should check up on schools
to see what PG home videos (for home use only) and
programmes recorded from television are being shown to
their children at special times of the year, such as Christmas
and end of term. Sometimes teachers disregard the rights
of parents and allow children to watch material at school
Christian parents would not show at home. Parents cannot
rely on the guidance of teachers. "Parental Guidance" means
just that!
Also, take time to watch
some of the more 'progressive' schools programmes on TV.
You will be shocked at the way life and sex are portrayed,
warts and all - essential biblical truths we hold dear
are bulldozed out of the way. A guest on a recently screened
sex education programme for teenagers pointed out that
a strong condom should be used during anal sex. What
do your children see? What dubious opinions are they regularly
exposed to? What are they reading during lessons at school?
Whose example will they follow?
Back
to Contents
Email
the Author
|